A major milestone: my 25th birthday!

Greetings my loves!

Well, despite the shitty circumstances I’m in, I’m excited to say that I’ll be turning 25 this month…YAY! And already the month is starting off fantastically on account of Jason Collins being the first openly gay athlete still active in the NBA. I commend you, Jason, for being an outstanding influence and role model. I seen in an interview that he did that he wanted to end the stereotypes of what “gay” is, which I think he was referring to the most common stereotypes of gay men as feminine and flamboyant, not that there is anything wrong with anyone’s personal individuality. But he is a perfect example of a masculine man who also identifies as an openly gay man. And not to mention he is so very sexy… (wink wink) LOL. But nonetheless, the LGBTQGNC community thanks Jason Collins for being a leader and help to end the stereotypes and marginalizations that are attached and associated with the LGBTQ-GNC community. Our support is here for you! And the revolution continues…

Now as I mentioned I’ll be turning 25 this month, and for me being in prison for saving my own life is worth celebrating another year, even if it’s in a fucked up environment. I feel blessed–no I am blessed to say that I’ve lived for a quarter of a century. That through my trials and tribulations, through my life’s quarrels, that when I never thought I’d make it past the age of sixteen, I triumphed over all obstacles and that in itself is a victory. So for me, this is a major milestone, especially considering the violence against trans women and the injustices of a faulty “judicial system” and a society that’s been hijacked and distorted by radical-religious ideas. I can say that through all the adversity I faced over the course of time I lived so far, I’ve evolved and accomplished more than I would have ever imagined. And I can only go up from here! And it’s also a blessing to have such wonderful, loving, caring people in my life. I want to take this time to thank those people who have grown to know me and love me as I do for them. I love you all so much, there aren’t even words to express my love and gratitude for you all. Also to all the supporters around the world I LOVE YOU ALL!

I also want to give a major shout-out to my mom, and all moms around the globe in honor of Mother’s Day. I love you so much mommy, and I love both my grannies and all my beautiful aunts. These women are great examples of strong, fierce females and I’m so appreciative of them for being understanding and caring. And for my mom who is supportive and helping me through this tough time, you’ve been a great mom and I love you. Thank you for being a top notch mom.

Before I go I want to leave you with the quote of the month and a poem that was on a card that someone sent me:

“To love is to risk not being loved in return: To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.” (Author unknown)

This next piece is a poem titled “Her Journey’s Just Begun” by E. Breneman. I fell in love with it after reading it because it related to me so well.

Her Journey’s Just Begun

Don’t think of her as gone away–

her journey’s just begun,

life holds so many facets–

this earth is only one.

Just think of her as resting

from the sorrows and the tears

in a place of warmth and comfort

where there are no days and years.

Think of how she must be wishing

that we could know today

how nothing but our sadness

can really pass away.

And think of her as living

in the hearts of those she touched…

for nothing loved is ever lost–

and she was loved so much.

Thank you Tracy in El Cerrito, CA for that beautiful card and that significant poem. I greatly appreciate it. Thank you all for hte love and support. T.T.Y.L.!

Violence Against (Trans)Women Today

I wrote a short essay on street violence against women and (trans) women that I initially did for a panel for the U of M but because of the DOC drama, I never got a chance to finish it… until now. I hope you all enjoy it. I love you all! TTYL!

–

A major problem in the entire world is violence against all women, which also includes trans women. Throughout time, women have been subjected to the cruel “iron fist” of the male species’ ever-inflicting egos. The violence that has been upheld for centuries have affected us all, whether it be a tyrannical leader’s harsh rule over a nation or domestic rule inside the household. Women have a higher rate of experiencing violence in all its forms–physical, verbal, and/or sexual. In most cases we are the victims of murder, and in the act of defending ourselves we are subjected to time, even life in prison. How can society say that it detest and challenge violence against women, when there is very little, if any, real help for us, and the help we give ourselves result in punishment?

Street violence and trans women go hand in hand, and I’m sure that if asked any trans woman can agree that most of her conflicts occurred outside of her dwelling. For me, all of the incidents that I’ve experienced were outside of the home. I, and most trans women, have to deal with violence more often and at a higher rate than any cissexual person, so every day is a harder struggle, and the everyday things that a cissexual person can do with ease are a constant risk, even something as simple as taking public transportation. Street violence has affected me drastically, and I think–no, I know–that if I never learned to assert myself that I would’ve never gained the courage to defend myself against those who have no respect or gratitude towards others in the world, I would have met my demise years ago.

Currently, I am in a men’s state prison for the death of someone I accidentally stabbed in the act of defending myself. It all started around 12 am on June 4th, 2011 whne a group of racist drunks began to verbally bash my friends and I on our way to a local 24-hour grocery store. After being called everything from faggots to niggers, tempers escalated and I was caught in between the madness. A woman from the other group decided to throw her alcoholic cocktail in my face, and to add insult to injury, she smashed her glass cup in my face which lacerated my cheek and was deep enough to cut a saliva gland which caused painful complications later on after getting 12 stitches. When the police arrived it wasn’t hard to for them to assume who the aggressors were–surely, for them, it had to have been the group of black kids who started all this drama. At least that was the feeling I was receiving by the way they were treating me and my friends. And instead of taking me directly to the ambulance, they made me sit in the back of a squad car in handcuffs while bleeding badly and in very bad pain.

When I was finally transported to the ambulance, I was immediately bombarded with questions, even before I could get the medical attention I needed. And when I got to the hospital it didn’t go any better. I was told to take off all my clothes, after that I was shackled to a hospital bed, and poorly examined hence the large deformity that was on my left cheek from a saliva gland being cut. From there I say in an interrogation room for over 5+ hours. And it all went downhill from there. I can say that I’m so blessed to have such wonderful, caring, loving friends, family, and supporters that helped me through this injustice.

But it does go to show that there is nothing really in place for women to protect themselves–ourselves. We need to unite to make a voice for all those who have become a victim of violence. I want to shout-out all the organizations and programs that are doing just that. To all those who showed up to the 1 Billion Rising event in Pittsburgh on Valentines Day I LOVE YOU ALL! I also want to shout out all the victims of violence that were honored at the event: Patreese Johnson, Charmaine Pfender, Marissa Alexander, and Tanika Dickson. I LOVE YOU ALL!  We are all victims of violence and the injustices and oppression of a faulty legal system and the PIC. And in memoriam of all our fallen sisters, this is for you! Our flames of resilience and tenacity burn bright in the efforts of a revolution for women. We will not give up until there are the necessary changes in this world for better protection and equality. And it is up to us to show that we are concerned and that none of our struggles will go in vain.

I cannot reiterate enough to people how they should get involved. GET INVOLVED! Organizations like 1 Billion Rising need our help, or get involved in local organizations and program. I pray that no other woman should have to deal with violence on any level, and I know that we can make a change.

Thank you all for taking time to hear (or should I say read) my concerns for our women in the world. I LOVE YOU ALL! Please stay strong, live well, and fight hard!

xoxo

CeCe

Shoutout to Black and Pink newsletter!

In the March issues of Black & Pink Newspaper, there was a segment titled: “26 Concrete Things to Do to Abolish Prisons in Illinois,” which came from Project NIA. But I’m sure the list can be applied to any state, just applying those rules to your own state. They are:

1. Fight against the proposed Chicago Public School closures.

2. Learn about and advocate for restorative and transformative justice.

3. Join the Mental Health Movement which is fighting to save our existing mental health clinics from closure in Chicago.

4. Interrupt the School-to-Prison Pipeline. Support the Yes to Counselors, No to More Cops in Schools Campaign.

5. Interrupt the School-to-Prison Pipeline. Teach youth how to catalogue police harassment and overdiscipline at school.

6. Support the young people from Fearless Leading by the Youth (FLY) as they organize to bring a needed trauma center to the Southside that will serve EVERYONE.

7. Close Dwight Prison Now – Tell your legislators.

8. Learn about the history of policing, violence, and resistance.

9. Support the efforts of several community organizations to close the Cook County Juvenile Temporary Detention Center (JTDC) and re-direct the funds to community-based alternatives to detention and to programming that will support youth.

10. Support youth-led efforts like the Street Youth Rise Up Campaign (organized by the Young Women’s Empowerment Project) which are documenting and organizing against institutional violence.

11. Join the Chicago Anti-Eviction Campaign.

12. Invite youth members of the Know Your Rights Project to speak with their peers and adults about their rights in the criminal legal system (especially with law enforcement).

13. Join parents across Chicago who are organizing for quality education and against the school-to-prison pipeline through POWER-PAC and Community Organizing & Family Issues.

14. Get educated about the PIC.

15. Host your own teach-in about the prison industrial complex.

16. Support organizations that are fighting against immigrant detention and deportations.

17. Support and join the campaign to Raise the Minimum Wage in Illinois (and everywhere else).

18. If you care about programs that affect the lives of children, become an advocate with Illinois Action For Children.

19. Support and join the Chicago Grassroots Curriculum Taskforce to create and disseminate RELEVANT curricula for young people.

20. Reach out to those currently locked up behind bars.

21. Stop relying on and calling the police to solve any and all community problems.

22. Join the Illinois Campaign to End the New Jim Crow as they organize against police violence.

23. Start a Creative Resistance Project like the Chicago Torture Justice Memorials.

24. Refuse to serve on juries for drug cases or consider nullification if you do serve on drug cases as a juror.

25. Open your wallets and contribute needed funds to local organizations.

26. Pay attention to the laws that are being proposed at the city, state, and federal level. Ask yourself if the proposed law is going to “extend or curtail the reach of the PIC.” If the answer is extend it, then mobilize to oppose these laws.

Another thing I really enjoyed [from the newsletter] was a piece about gender. It said:

Gender IS:

-A spectrum

-A range of expression

-How you relate to yourself

-A personal identity

Gender is NOT:

-Just male or female

-Defined by body parts

-Sexual orientation

-Defined by chromosomes

I really liked it, so I wanted to share that.

Drama from the DOC and Snoop Lion, and March and April quotes

Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay, for I have been through a whirlwind of b.s. at the hands of DOC. Of course they wouldn’t care about the things I love to do like my blog posts because they are too busy being dumb-asses making decisions they feel are best for me I don’t know WTF is on these peoples’ noggins, but I can surely say that it has to be a lot of hollow space up there.

Anyways…it’s spring! Unfortunately, it’s off to a bad start here in Minnesota. We’ve been getting snow like crazy, in some parts over a foot of snow. Poor Mother Nature… seems like she’s not in a good mood. Not that it’s her fault. When are people going to realize that global warming is an actual thing, and that if we don’t change the way we care for our planet, it won’t care for us.

I just think about all the energy that is wasted by prisons alone. At any jail or prison I’ve been to I’ve noticed that they leave lights on 24/7! Now think about all the other jails, prisons, juvenile centers, etc., etc. around the world that does exactly the same thing. Now think about how much energy could be saved without them, hmmm… see where I’m coming from? We could save a lot of resources, actually, with abolishing prisons. I can give you a million other things that the resources put into the PIC can be redirected to, that can both build the economy and prevent people from being victims of the PIC.

So other than the DOC and the PIC getting on my nerves, people in general have been really annoying. I’ve never seen people say such dumb shit in my life. A goldfish with a two-second memory is smarter than some of the people of this world, and I say that with all sincerity.

First off, let me start with a comment Mr. Snoop Lion said about gays and the rap industry. He said that gays would never be accepted in the rap industry because rap is such a “masculine arena.” How remedial of a comment was that? Like, WTF Mr. Lion! I like your music, but it’s only dumb-founded, ignorant b.s. like that that will withold the progression of equality in the world, and frankly it was just a dumb-ass statement..

For one, it just goes to show that people still have a stereotypical idea of what “gay” is and that there is no possibility of masculine, or even hyper-masculine, gay and bisexual men in the world. Well, guess what?… THEY EXIST! For two, to say that “rap is a masculine arena” is a underhanded insult to both masculine gay and bisexual men and also to feminine men, trans, GNC (gender non-conforming) and cissexual women who are rappers. It’s clear that women are just as much of a force in the rap industry just as any man is, so why is it so unfathomable that someone that is QLGBT-GNC can’t be such a force in an “arena” that really have no gender “boundaries” or “guidelines”? How can one just say that a person can’t do something because of their sexual identity and/or orientation. That’s like saying we can’t have a black president. Well, you see how that turned out. Twice!

I hate that as time progresses and we evolve, the ignorance and idiocracy of close-minded people keep us, or at least try to, in an unevolutaionary state. At some point others have to accept that diversity exists. And not only does diversity exist, it is what makes us thrive. It is what makes us all uniquely individual. So diversity should be allowed in all aspects of a society. In schools, in the work force, hell, even at home!

As you know, I said that for every month this year I was going to give a quote. But as I mentioned earlier, I was caught in a lot of drama, therefore I didn’t have the opportunity to do so. So I’m still going to give March’s quote along with April’s. Here they are:

March

“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

April

“love is the voice under all silences,

the hope which has no opposite in fear,

the strength so strong mere force is feebleness:

the truth more first than sun, more last than star”

-e.e. cummings

CeCe’s back in St. Cloud: Show her some love!

Dear CeCe Supporter,

As was previously announced, CeCe was transferred  to MCF-Stillwater, at her own request, at the beginning of March.  She was enrolled in the Atlantis treatment program there, which operates in a separate unit from the general population.  She was glad to be at Stillwater for a number of reasons, but was quickly frustrated with the program because of issues ranging from blatant transphobia in the program to the snitching culture that is fostered within it.  We are unclear on the specifics, but she was kicked out and placed in segregation within a few weeks of being there, and received an additional 30 days onto her sentence as a disciplinary measure.  After repeated pleas from her and her advocates to remain at Stillwater and be placed in the general population there, she was instead transferred back to St. Cloud recently.  She remains in segregation.

We are still unsure where she will be placed for the remainder of her sentence, but in the meantime we are calling on folks far and wide to write to her immediately!  Send her your love and let her know she is not alone, that we are all watching out for her, and that we got her back!

Chrishaun McDonald
OID#238072
Minnesota Correctional Facility-St. Cloud
2305 Minnesota Boulevard S.E.
St. Cloud, MN  56304

 

Keep an eye on this website, or sign up for our mailing list, for the latest information.

With many thanks and lots of love,

CeCe McDonald Support Committee

CeCe has moved to Stillwater!

As of March 2013, CeCe has transferred from the Minnesota state prison in St. Cloud to the prison in Stillwater, MN. She anticipates that she’ll be in Stillwater until her expected release date in December 2013. If you write CeCe, send her books, or visit her, make sure to check for her updated address!

Lucky for her supporters in the Twin Cities, Stillwater is much closer than St. Cloud. Unfortunately, visiting days are a little more limited, and CeCe is only allowed to have 16 hours of visits each month. If you plan to start visiting CeCe, let us know at mpls4cece(a)gmail.com so that we can make sure that everyone who wants to gets a chance to fit in visits each month.

Quotes of the month

This month I chose to share some of my favorite quotes. Some very profound and others…well, they’re just fun! I’ll start off with the quote for the month. Also, happy Black History Month!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

–Maria Robinson, author

“Watch your thoughts, they become your words.

Watch your words, they become your actions.

Watch your actions, they become your habits.

Watch your habits, they become your character.

Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

“Prejudice is a burden which confuses the past, threatens the future, and renders the present inaccessible.”

–Maya Angelou

“The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones that do.”

–Steve Jobs

“Prejudice usually can’t survive close contact with the people who are supposed to be so despicable, which is why the propagandists for hate always preach separation.”

–Patrick Califia

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”

–Albert Camus

And now for some not-so-profound quotes… Enjoy!

“You have magic in your throat…”

–Glee

“I’m tore up from the floor up, beat up from the feet up, and I need a check-up from the neck up.”

–Awkward

 

“Don’t try and climb up in our love ghetto.”

–Awkward

 

“[We] judge others, but make excuses for ourselves!”

“I need a mind condom, ‘cause I’m getting mind-fucked.”

–Ron, Jersey Shore

 

“You know what’s wrong with the people who work for the government? They have jobs.”

–Roseanne

Help find Sage Smith!

As of late, I received word from our family out in Charlottesville, VA (shoutout to Joe, Donna, Luis and all at APOC) that a young (trans) girl has went missing as of Nov 20^th, 2012. What’s even more saddening is the lack of effort given by the Charlottesville “Police” Dept. Again, we see that the term “protect and serve” is limited to those they feel deserve their time and efforts, especially seeing that I also got word that two college students (as of recent) (Caucasian and cissexual) went missing, and news was all over it! A foundation in honor of one of the women was even started, yet police and media have been extremely dismissive of Sage’s case.

So now it’s our time to shine people! We can get involved! We need to show sage, Sage’s family, friends, and our family in Charlottesville that we got their back@ Please I urge everyone to please, please, PLEASE get involved! Call the Charlottesville Police Department and tell them to get busy finding Sage! Nothing will be done unless we make them! Just think, this could’ve been your brother, sister, friend, cousin, or it even could’ve been you, and I know and you know that if it were us in their shoes we would want all that could be done in our efforts to be done, right?!? Please people again, I urge you to get involved. We can’t let another of our own slip away! Let’s get justice!

Go to
https://www.facebook.com/FindSageSmith

GET INVOLVED!

You can get in touch with APOC at:

302 8^th St. Nw

Charlottesville, VA 22903

Additional information and updates will be posted!

January 8, 2013

Inspiration for the Final 12

Each month this year I want to give inspirational food for thought. Since this is my “final 12” I want to keep myself motivated, inspired, and in positive energy. So… who’s with me? Feel free to copy and paste!

January

“Nothing in this world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.”

-W. Somerset Maugham

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul. And sings the tuns without the words, and never stops at all.”

-Emily Dickinson

Embracing Pansexuality?

One of my favorite TV shows in the world is “Sex and the City.” And even though the show has been in reruns, I feel that no episode is less entertaining than the last time. I guess with that said, I’ll get to the point.

In this particular episode, Samantha revealed to Carrie that she was going to have a threesome with two gay guys, and that she couldn’t pass up a chance to sleep with two hot guys, whether they were gay and/or straight. And as she explains this “sexportunity,” (that term is my own, you like?) Carrie is giving her the “I-know-you’re-serious-but-you-can’t-be-serious” face. Samantha retorts back with, “What?” Then Carrie says, “They’re GAAAAY!” Then something very questionable, yet very mature, came out of Samantha. She says, “So what? Sex is sex. As the world evolves, people will embrace pansexuality, and we will sleep with people as individuals and not based on sexuality” (might not be the exact quotes, but it’s something of the likeness).

So, the question is, how true is this, and how true could it be? In a world where people struggle day to day to be accepted in a society that tries to maintain its “vanilla-ness,” this could only work if people could see a person for more than just their physical. But, with that said, we will still always be attracted to our own personal likes.

I can understand this theory on many different levels, having many experiences with men and women, but also knowing that my attraction is more than what I see, but how I feel.

Being a (trans) woman, I constantly have to deal with men, now more than ever since being in here. And with that I’m always faced with having to explain the “laws of attraction,” and why they have these feelings. As of recently I’ve become very close with this guy and we’ve become the best of friends. We discuss our dreams, goals, relationships or anything that we might want to share with the other. Then one day he says to me, “I don’t like men—“ I butt in “I don’t identify as male.” “But… I want you to know that if I love you, it’s for you…” At that moment I really didn’t know how to feel because for the first time, in a long time, a man can admit to falling in love with me or anyone for who they are. As he identify as “straight,” and so do most of the men I date… or, “other.” I know that they are attracted to my femininity, and I know I’m as femme as they come. But, as a bonus, if the person is willing to really get to know me, then they are intrigued and attracted to my intelligence, my independence, and even my meek submissiveness. It’s even funny sometimes to see men become hypermasculine creatures to assure themselves of their own “straightness” by proclaiming their love for vagina or by challenging another man to push-up competitions. I just think it’s about time for masculine men to embrace who and what they are attracted to, and learn to stop going for physical and focus on mental, emotional, and spiritual connections. This is also true for women, so don’t think you all got out of this easily.

Even for myself, I found myself saying I can’t like girls, that that ship has sailed and the attraction wasn’t there. That was until I became more experienced in the world, and learning about femininity and masculinity. The more I understood about myself the more I realized what it was I was actually attracted to. And this all became very clear to me when I kept encountering actions and reactions between me and a close friend who was a very masculine stud. She would always compliment me on my prettiness, or my body, or my fashionable style. The flirting became something of the norm, and it really made me contemplate my feelings for her, and how different it felt that it was a her. Then one night, after me and some friends left the gay club downtown, there she was. Was it even more a “coincidence” that we were both at the same club that night? We shared a couple of dances, but mostly were with those we came with. As I stood there, being P.G.T. (Pretty Girl Tipsy), she came over to tell me my dress was fitting right and how good of a dancer I was. All I could do was smile and blush. As the club poured out from closing, and people mingled, there we were making jokes about her fucking me and it didn’t seem weird at all. That led to her kissing me and to me it felt good. Me, the girl who was penis obsessed, is kissing a stud in the middle of the walkway while the gaybies around us cheer and whistle. So there I had to admit that it wasn’t the fact that I was kissing a girl, because that didn’t matter anymore. Her masculinity was what turned me on. After I realized that I understood myself more than ever. I was starting to see people as individuals, and being attracted to both men and women was all in the case of femininity and masculinity.

So there is the possibility that pansexualism can be the evolution of the world, but that can only proceed through acceptance of others and ourselves, and I know that that is something that I try to reiterate as much as often in these posts. With acceptance comes love, and with love comes happiness. And who doesn’t want to be happy? Just something to think about.

 1 <3

CeCe

Support Estrellita!

Dearest friends,

I want to thank everyone for their support and their fundraising to make sure that I maintain and otherwise. But now I want you to divert your efforts to our sister, Estrellita, who needs our help. Please help her and show her the same love and support that you all gave me. All the information is posted, so let’s save our girl and get this done for her!

Love, CeCe

***

Queer political prisoner in detention needs your help!

This holiday season, give the gift of helping an inspiring young political prisoner be freed from the confines of the immigration detention center in Florence, AZ where she is currently held. Her name is Estrellita and she is seeking help paying her bond, which she expects to be around $3500. Here is what she writes:

“Hola, mi nombre es Estrellita y estoy detenida en Florence, AZ. Yo necesito de su ayuda. Mi familia me odia por ser homosexual, y no tengo el apoyo de nadie, solamente de Casa Mariposa y Raul. Mi situacion es la siguiente: Ya pedi asilo politico y ya fui a la entrevista y pase. Lo unico que me falta es de la fianza y las cartas de apoyo. Les boy a agradecer toda mi vida si me ayudar con la fianza. Yo se que afuera hay angeles y se los boy a agradecer mucho. Mi corte la tengo para el 31 de energo para lo de la fianza. Ayudenme please please!”

“Hello, my name is Estrellita and I am detained in Florence, AZ. I need your help. My family hates me for being homosexual, and I do not have the help of anyone, only Casa Mariposa and Raul. My situation is the following: I asked for political asylum and went to my [credible fear] interview and passed. The one things left are the bond and letters of support. I will be grateful for all of my life if you help me with the bond. I know that outside there are angels and I will appreciate them very much. My court for bond is January 31. Help me please please!”

The Rainbow Defense Fund will be collecting funds for Estrellita, with the goal of raising $3500 by January 31st so she can be released as soon as a bond is set. Please donate online through Paypal or send a check made out to “Restoration Project, Florence” to: Attn: Rainbow Defense Fund; Casa Mariposa; 127 N. Palomas Ave; Tucson, AZ 85745.

Thank you so much!