Masculine men and “outside speculators”
After having a conversation with a close friend of mine about masculine men and their identities as individuals and their involvement with feminine gay men and/or (trans) women, I figured I’d use this for a topic for this post.
It all started when the subject of my male friends came up, which included someone I’ve been involved with for three years. I was explaining each of my involvement with each guy and how they all differed. But the common factor with them was how secure each of them were with me with their identities as masculine men being questioned by “outside speculators,” and how that affects the relationships I have with them. For all of them it varied with different results, and I can say that a man’s masculinity is very important to them and that their relationships with others does indeed affect their masculine identities apart from their individuality.
So the underlying question here is, why do masculine men get so caught up in the opinions and ideas of others? And not saying that all (masculine) men are like that, but majority are. I can say that there has only been one (very) masculine man that has not let others’ ideas affect our friendship, and that has actually made us grow closer and now I can say he is one of my closest friends. Anyways… I would figure that a (masculine) man’s dominance and assertiveness would put him in a position to hold his ground, that as the “man,” he should (or would) use his masculine authority to show his right to be involved with whoever he pleases. Right?…
My idea is that when a man’s ego and reputation are at stake, they fold into the pressures of society’s idea of what masculine/ity is. For me, it comes off as if femininity, homosexism, or transgenderism is contagious and that the man’s masculinity is jeopardized with the association of the fem-man and/or (trans)woman. But that’s not at all the case. A masculine man should never get hung up on whether his identity as an individual is questioned by others, because no one’s individuality could never be taken away by another person. You are who you are, regardless of who you associate with. I figured that was the contributing factor that causes my relationships to fail. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who can attest to that.
Also, I can say that the stereotypes and stigmas attached to fem-men and (trans)women are also a factor in the relationships between us and the (masculine) men. I would always think that the men I dated were ashamed of being with me when in reality they’re ashamed of themselves. Their own insecurities, unassurances, and per pressures cause them to fall into society’s conformative gender identities and roles, but in reality who ANYONE associates with does NOT add or take away from who we are as individuals. It’s all what we make it and how we view ourselves.
Well, I just wanted to give you guys something to think about. It’s been something that’s been on my mind for a while. That, and the fact that I won’t be able to travel to Pittsburgh, PA to visit “S/he is Her/e” at the Warhol Museum, based on legendary performance artist Genesis Breyer P-Orridge–it starts June 15th. If you have an opportunity, go check it out and learn about our history’s “pandrogyny.” Also, before I go, I want to leave you guys with the quote of the month:
“Learn from yesterday; live for today; hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”
I love you ALL! Thanks for checking in and the support! TTYL!